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The Whirlwind was (finally) abed. Peace and contentment abounded. Beloved Husband has Tuesdays off, so we were enjoying a few moments of grown-up conversation, with me telling him the most interesting bits of new science/medical/archaeology abstracts that I was finding on-line, him playing a fairly old-style computer game [Empire] while the two of us were keeping half an eye on the NHL playoffs. The Siamese cat came strolling up to get some love and attention.

Something was wrong. Seal Point Siamese come in dark brown and cream, one shading into the other, with white on the tummy. They do not usually have goopy dark pink splotches. Something was wrong.

I gave the cat to Beloved Husband to wipe down with paper towel, and see what could be removed. I went upstairs to The Whirlwind's room, where the light was on.

"I told you if I found your light on after hours, the bulb would be confiscated, so that's gone," I said, "And where is the lipstick you stole from your sister and used on the cat?"

I saw the thing and picked it up, and waited for her answer. Ever seen Jack O'Neill caught red handed deny it absolutely?

"What lipstick?" said The Whirlwind. "Didn't do anything with lipstick!"

This was especially unconvincing since she had pink all over what she was wearing, her stomach, her neck, and in the general time zone of her lips. And I was holding the container that used to hold the lipstick, and its lid, and the pink-smeared tissues she'd tried to clean up a bit with. She's ten. The only way this could be less convincing was if she was a 6'2" fifty-ish male.

My expression registered Highly Dubious on the upper end of the scale.

"Well, maybe a little," she said.

"Go down and report to Daddy," I said, and took the lipstick to Middle Daughter.

"Is this the only one missing?" I said.

She checked.

"Whirlwind!" I called down "Where is the other one you took?"

"In the bottom drawer!" She answered.

At least there was some left of that one.

She and Beloved Husband spent half an hour sliming her with canola oil and wiping lipstick diluted with canola oil off her body. Eventually, she was deemed sufficiently unlikely to ruin clothing enough to don a different outfit and head off to bed, still rather pink, but no longer contagiously so.

The poor patient 16 year old cat has finally, finally grown her whiskers back from the trim The Whirlwind gave her some 6 months ago. The fur under her neck has finally almost grown back from the shave the vet gave her to be able to draw blood for testing back in December, when she went down to less than 4 lbs. and almost died. Now she's going to be splotches of pink for a while. The vet's gonna love that one when we see her at the end of the month.

Have I mentioned that we have forbidden The Whirlwind any makeup, no matter how innocuous and easy to remove, and told Middle Daughter that she needs to keep hers locked up, so that this sort of incident can't happen? That we have provided Middle Daughter with a lock box, which she occasionally uses?

Space aliens. I tell ya', I live with space aliens.

Comments

( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
wanderingsmith
May. 8th, 2013 04:18 am (UTC)
I realize laughter wasn't entirely the looked-for response. but I am laughing out loud anyway :D

my sympathies to puir putzelcatzen, I can't imagine how our very aged Noopy would react to such treatment; he never took well to kittens...

snicker@Jack caught with lipstick......(EG)

...hope the lipstick was animal-ingestion safe :(

I'm surprised MD doesn't lock her bedroom door... I remember I always wanted to against my 9years-younger brother

sounds like just another quiet night at the thothmes to me... ;)

Edited at 2013-05-08 04:19 am (UTC)
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 04:35 am (UTC)
Oh, let me assure you that LOL laughter was absolutely the intent. Have you ever read Shirley Jackson's Life Among the Savages or Raising Demons? They are highly comic accounts of her life raising four very energetic kids, who cause mayhem at every turn. Very, very funny. And a great deal more like real life, my real life, than I ever expected them to be when I read them as a high school student.

Our rooms don't have locks on the door. Not even the bathrooms. I've always believed that people need to learn to knock before entering and respect others space and property, and so we've never installed them.

Obviously family behavior and morality is a work in progress. Thus the lock boxes. With luck by the time Middle Daughter leaves for college, she will understand that she needs to secure those things that she cares about and make sure that she doesn't leave them lying around. By the time The Whirlwind leaves, I hope she will not be candidate for Roomie From Hell, but only time will tell.

As my aunt points out, "Well, Thothmes, sometimes being a good parent means that your care, attention, and good example ensures that their rap sheet will be lighter and shorter!"
wanderingsmith
May. 8th, 2013 11:00 pm (UTC)
odd how ones perspective changes with time.... sigh

or the judge has someone to look at sympathetically in the stands
crazedturkey
May. 8th, 2013 05:00 am (UTC)
I shouldn't laugh...


But I will.


Your poor cat!
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 05:07 am (UTC)
One of the difficult things about raising The Whirlwind is that the temptation to laugh is always threatening to overcome my professional Mom!scowl. So feel free to laugh. No permanent harm done (except to the family budget to the tune of one container of lipstick).

The cat is a very patient being, much to the surprise of the rest of the family, who never thought of her that way, because she bit them from time to time when she was younger. She just hasn't got the desire to dominate that she once did, and she has decided that The Whirlwind is her kid, so she is willing to tolerate a great deal from her.

Still, I agree. Poor long-suffering cat.

Edited at 2013-05-08 05:07 am (UTC)
bluewillowtree
May. 8th, 2013 05:11 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness. Poor kitty! She can't have enjoyed any aspect of that experience. But it sounds like she's doing better from her health scare? Hope so!

I hope you'll now have a chance to relax and enjoy whatever your favorite stress-combating treat may be. *hugs*
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 05:19 am (UTC)
The kitty, now that she is out of the clutches of The Whirlwind and has had the worst and goopiest of the lipstick removed, feels fine. She has no clue that she looks exceedingly comical. The Abyssinian may let her know though.

Pink!cat is now on a regular dose of prednisolone (what our livers break prednisone down to, making it usable in the body), and is back up to 8 lbs., which the vet says is about right. She had been 11 lbs., which was a little porky, and when she went down to 3+, we thought it was just the fading of old age. After all her littermate only made it to 8, so we figured she might be of short-lived stock. It turns out that it was probably an autoimmune intestinal problem, like IBS or Crohn's disease in a human.

What stress? This is what life at my house is like! Stress is when The Whirlwind has an uncontrollable tantrum. This was only property damage. :)
campylobacter
May. 8th, 2013 06:02 am (UTC)
Let's Put Lipstick on Kitty
CAT. Oh, cat. Poor cat.

Thank gob it wasn't glitter mascara.
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 06:08 am (UTC)
Re: Let's Put Lipstick on Kitty
Or glitter glue. The Whirlwind does own glitter glue. It would be easier to remove, but it would require *shudder* a bath, and this would be a source of much kitty woe. And the glitter would stay lurking in the bathtub for weeks, ending up in my hair. Fortunately, Beloved Husband, being a shower man, would not end up explaining it to the patients for weeks, because it wouldn't end up in his hair, and the other moms would understand the way that glitter has a World Domination Plan, and sympathize rather than laugh.
rdamel
May. 8th, 2013 08:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Let's Put Lipstick on Kitty
I didn't know about glitter glue--sounds awful. I really enjoy visits from my almost 8 year old grand-niece--the only drawback is that most of her clothing seems to have glittery decorations on it, so that after she leaves, I am always seeing a gleam of glitter here and there in my carpet--disconcerting, to say the least, especially since vacuuming (which I only do every other week, as I loathe housework) does not seem to remove all of it!

I feel for you--and the cat--but it would have been hard to put on the requisite stern face and not laugh while doing the discipline with the Whirlwind.

Wishing you all the best, as always!
Melissa M.
thothmes
May. 9th, 2013 12:19 am (UTC)
Re: Let's Put Lipstick on Kitty
Anything, anything with glitter in it is awful. That stuff is harder to remove from the environment than cockroaches! My siblings delight in finding the most ghastly things to give my kids, and I allow it, because it makes them so happy.

I guess I must be a nice person, because I don't take my revenge by giving their kids things I wouldn't want in my house. I'm the eldest, and I guess that makes me a bit hyper-responsible. Fortunately it doesn't rob me of a sense of humor, and these little dramas are always amusing once the first flush of discovery is over!

The cat is still funny looking, and will be for a while, but is otherwise quite recovered. The good side of living in a family with kids is all the extra loving. There are, however, certain hazards... Lipstick, apparently, being one of them!
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 06:10 am (UTC)
Re: Let's Put Lipstick on Kitty
p.s. Would that be the gob who moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform? Gob of our fathers? Gob a very present help in trouble?

;)
campylobacter
May. 8th, 2013 06:14 am (UTC)
O Gob our help in ages past.
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 06:17 am (UTC)
I heard that that one is a jealous Gob, and we shall have no other Gob before him.

So the Egyptians had to make due with Geb.
sjhw_tolerance
May. 8th, 2013 11:38 am (UTC)
Oh golly, poor kitty! Reminds me of the time when I was about the same age and used a black grease stick all over my self (while in the tub--it was something someone had for Halloween), not realizing it wouldn't wash off! I was mortified to have to tell my Mom and the late evening trip to the drugstore to buy cold cream to get it off! I still cringe about it to this day if it's ever brought up.
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 01:47 pm (UTC)
I congratulate your mother on having brought up such a well behaved and self-regulated child if that is the sort of thing that you still cringe about. That episode wouldn't even be on The Whirlwind's radar screen!

I've said for years that the trick will be to harness all that energy and curiosity in such a way that she ends up using her powers for good, not evil. If I succeed, I'm sure we will see the diminution of several of the ills that have been plaguing humanity for untold generations!

That said, Eldest Daughter, who was born well-behaved and earnest (and has since, fortunately, developed a wicked, quick, dry sense of humor to leaven herself) still cringes and mourns when the subject of the salamander who dessicated in a bucket after she left it there overnight when she was 3 comes up. She's a tender-hearted soul and simply didn't know better, so I try not to mention it, although living where they abound and keeping them out of conversation can be difficult...
amenirdis
May. 8th, 2013 11:44 am (UTC)
Oh dear. And I can't help laughing, because we had a Lipstick Incident this weekend that has cost my best Body Shop tube. I am guessing that MD is counting the days until she leaves home!
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 01:38 pm (UTC)
She's been counting the seconds for years now. I mean it. Years.

On the other hand, this year she has finally broken through the barrier, and understands that we face and extraordinary challenge in The Whirlwind, and that the house rules exist to protect and defend the young, and teach them the way to go, not purely to be punitive, and that if she had followed them, she might have spared herself a great deal of heartache and pain.

We are very pleased.
penknife
May. 8th, 2013 03:55 pm (UTC)
There was also, years ago, the Vaseline Incident, of which we do not speak.
thothmes
May. 8th, 2013 04:29 pm (UTC)
Well actually amenirdis and I have spoken of it, because that's a disaster that both our families have in common too. We tackled it with Citrasolve instead of cornstarch, but the solution was equally not-quite-thorough-enough.

Geeze it's getting hard to be unique these days!
miyyu
May. 11th, 2013 04:06 pm (UTC)
Poor kitty!

You really could turn all this stuff into a book someday, you know. :)
thothmes
May. 11th, 2013 07:56 pm (UTC)
Perhaps that's what I'll threaten them with if they don't celebrate Mothers Day with gusto! ;)

miyyu
May. 14th, 2013 12:21 am (UTC)
It's a good blackmail threat, especially as they get older.
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )

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